im having a threesome with these popsicles
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
