May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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