Soap is not a condiment
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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