He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
