In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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