so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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