you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
