Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
