This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
