Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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