I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
