I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
