Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
