This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
