would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
