People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
