the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
