I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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