i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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