??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He shit in the fireplace
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