So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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