True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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