Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
