She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
