how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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