why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
