Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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