So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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