I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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