shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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