They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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