My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
