We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
