My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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