Kiss
Puke
I want to make a zoo with you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
