Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
