Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's never too late to be topless.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
