and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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