so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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