Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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