so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
