the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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