if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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