I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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