Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
