so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
