I'm passing your future prison.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
