your parents love me but you hate me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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