This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
