careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
